Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
In other news, I just burned my penis
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
