I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
