oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
