God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
