I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
