working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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