I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
