whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
