can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I am midnight drunk by noon
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
