Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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