Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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