You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
