They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
