idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
