sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
organizing the empties. That sober.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
