whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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