I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
