I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
