you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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