DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
