I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
dude. I can hear the air.
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