i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
