I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
