Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
