I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
