Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
