He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
