I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
