A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
