I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize
