If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
