i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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