The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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