I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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