I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Randomize
