you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Randomize
