i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
