I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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