It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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