Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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