Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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