Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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