Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
