Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
