I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
