i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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