So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
