its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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