Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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