Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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