if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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