i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My cat gives me a boner
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
