My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
its liver damage thursday
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
