I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I touched a dick in church today
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